Saved From The Skip

In his first public comment about the Vice President's hunting accident last Saturday, President Bush has praised Dick Cheney for his handling of the mishap.

"I'm satisfied with the way Dick handled that tricky situation," said Mr Bush at a White House press briefing this evening.

"He was only applying the usual US policy of pre-emptive strike in the face of possible threat. After all, there was always the danger that Mr Whittington might have accidentally shot Dick before Dick accidentally shot Mr Whittington. In these circumstances the important thing is to accidentally shoot first, and to ask questions later."

Bush also had words of praise for Dick Cheney's skills with a rifle.

"Let's face it: if you're going to shoot your friend by mistake, you may as well do it properly. A lesser marksman would have accidentally shot him in the leg, or the arm. Not our Dick. Goes straight for the face, neck and chest, like they teach you in the Armed Forces. That's my Vice President..."

As it is, Mr Bush's only complaint was that the general public was informed about the accident "too quickly."

"In fact, I don't understand why we bothered informing the nation at all. We could have just sent in a couple of CIA spooks, eliminated any witnesses, erased the ranch owner's memory and wipe out all records of the incident, just like the good old days. But oh, well, it's too late now..."