Speedy Allawi to contest Olympics
The former Iraqi Prime Minister, "Speedy" Iyad Allawi (right), will be representing his country in the forthcoming Political Olympics, to be held in Beijing in 2008.The announcement was made soon after today's "heats" in the Shia town of Najaf, where Mr Allawi was forced to demonstrate his sprinting prowess while being chased out of the mosque with an angry, shoe-hurling mob in hot pursuit.
"Allawi was amazing, a natural born Olympic champion," one commentator commented. "Faster than a speeding Reebok, he outpaced all sorts of flying footwear to set a new land-speed record in the 100 metre hurtle ."
The incident was televised and broadcast across the globe, and showcased Mr Allawi's remarkable ability to accelerate in sudden, unexpected spurts.
This is an indispensable talent for any sprinter, and nobody knows this better than Allawi himself, who is currently running for Prime Minister in January's elections... as well as, occasionally, running for his life.
As a result of today's breathtaking performance, Allawi was unanimously chosen by the Iraqi Olympic Committee to contest the Andale Andale, Arriba Arriba Arriba! category... popularly known as "Armageddon outta here."
Meanwhile, other political athletes to look out for in the 2008 Olympics include:
Lord Goldsmith (UK), in the hotly contested "Media Gagging" category - traditionally the domain of countries such as China and the Myanmar Republic, but popular in the UK once more thanks to the "Official Secrets Act", and;
Bill Clinton (USA), in the "Poll Vaulting" category (otherwise known as "Jumping on the Bandwagon"): chosen after an impressive display of political opportunism, when, two years after supporting the American-led invasion of Iraq, he took one look at recent opinion polls, and said: "Hey! Did I ever mention the fact that I'm actually against the war?"
