Saved From The Skip

In his first public statement as newly elected Tory leader, David Cameron surprised many by distancing himself and his party from Britain's most famous show puppet duo.

"I'm fed up with the Punch and Judy politics of Westminster: the name calling, backbiting, point scoring, finger pointing," said Cameron in his victory speech today. "I want and I will lead a Conservative party that when the government does the right thing, we will work with them, and when they do the wrong thing we will call them to account and criticise them."

This unexpected dismissal signals a whole new direction for the Conservatives, but also an uncertain future for the baton-wielding veteran of the puppet stage.

"To be honest, it's been coming a long time," sighs Punch, who found time in his hectic wife-beating schedule for a quick drink with the Skip. "If you ask me, it's all this bloody political correctness. First they tell me it's no longer acceptable to hit my wife across the head with a large stick. Then I get done for stealing Joey the Clown's sausages. And now, I'm no longer an official sponsor of the Conservative Party! Next thing you know, some bloody animal rights group will be campaigning for the release of old Croc here..."

Meanwhile, Cameron's public outing of Punch and Judy also came as a shock to many in the audience.

"This does not bode well for the future of our party," muttered one senior MP. "You see, the thing is, if we're no longer going to call our political opponents names, or point fingers at them, or score points over them... then the only alternative left would be for us to become a serious and credible Opposition party. In other words, we'd have to actually do some work. I mean, he can't possibly be serious..."

This feeling seems to be widespread among older, more traditional Tories, many of whom are beginning to suspect that Mr Cameron might really have been on drugs after all.

However, the young new leader has found an unexpected ally in his predecessor and former Prime Minister, Baroness Margaret Thatcher, who came out strongly in Mr Cameron's favour.

(Click on the picture for the original audio of Baroness Thatcher's exclusive comment to the Skip).