Saved From The Skip

A vacancy has arisen for the position of manager of the English national football team. The ideal candidate should fit the description below:

Mustn't drink;

Mustn't smoke;

Mustn't take drugs, or indulge in any vice known to man;

No criminal record;

Can't have had a single affair in his entire life (Ideally, should never have had sex at all);

Must be patient, and possess the necessary communication skills to get his message across to people with the intelligence of David Beckham;

Mustn't have any children or family who can be threatened;

Must be prepared to forgive and forget any media intrusion into his private life, no matter how outrageously unreasonable;

Must have a minimum of three years' experience in persecution, suffering, torture and death;

Must be able to come back from even the most devastating defeats;

And finally, must be able to perform the mother of all miracles and turn England into a World Cup winning team.

Oh hang on, we might just have found the perfect candidate:

(Needless to add, no previous football experience necessary)