Saved From The Skip

It's konfirmed! Tufty (above), the grey squirrel which invaded the pitch during yesterday's Champions League semifinal between Arsenal and Villa Real, has been called up to play for England by Sven Goran Eriksson.

Contacted by the Skip, Sven explained: "It's not often that you see such flair, fur and natural talent on an English pitch these days."

Above all, Tufty impressed the England coach with his stamina, determination and team spirit: qualities which are manifestly lacking in the current England squad.

"While other players moan about referee decisions, and get embroiled in tabloid sex scandals, Tufty got down to what matters most: doing his own thing on the pitch. I think the rest of my players have a lot to learn from the bushy-tailed newcomer," Sven added.

In fact, Tufty made his presence felt immediately upon the field. Coming on at the 11th minute, he captured the stadium's undivided attention with a spectacular run into Villa Real's penalty area, effortlessly sidestepping a number of tackles by the visibly stunned defence, until his performance was rudely interrupted by yet another questionable referee decision to suspend the match.

Later he emerged a second time to tremendous applause from the appreciative home crowd, once again dazzling Highbury with a series of devastating incursions deep into the Real midfield.

"With Roonie's cheek, Tufty's tail and Beckham's hair-do, there'll be no stopping England at this year's World Cup," Sven konfidently konkluded.

However, the F.A. (Furry Association) has expressed doubts about Tufty's eligibility to play for the English national team.

"We're not doubting Tufty's abilities as a football player," klaimed an FA spokesperson, "but the fact of the matter is that he is a grey squirrel, and therefore by definition American. Besides, as you are probably aware there's a war going on between British and American squirrels, and we are concerned that selecting Tufty may create unnecessary tensions with England's Red Squirrel fan-base."

Meanwhile, rumours of an affair between Sven and Tufty's girlfriend, super-squirrel model Ulrika Staller (otherwise known as "Nocciolina", below) have been dismissed out of hand by the England coach.

The kase kontinues...