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Friday, April 21, 2006 

Cherie's Hair


(sung to the tune of Penny Lane, by The Liverpool Benders)

Cherie's Hair,
There is a barber showing photographs
Of every cheque
he's had the pleasure to receive,
For sums of cash you just would not believe.
He's from Tel Aviv.

And Mrs Blair:
She's now the subject of controversy
She's all the papers
Can be bothered to discuss
But would they bother making such a fuss
About the rest of us?
(They don't give a toss...)

[OK, chorus coming up here, folks... now sing along, you boys and girls]

CHERIE'S HAIR
IS RIGHT UP THERE
WITH PRINCESS DI...
THE LATEST
APPLE OF
THE MEDIA'S EYE

Oh my, and
mean-
while
back

At Number Ten,
The old PM just gave a conference.
He unveiled
His party's plans for its third term:
"We're going to base them all on Cherie's perm."
He was very firm.

[sound of rhythmic thumping of desks]

But the rest
Of the backbenchers had a heart attack:
"We forked out less
Campaigning in Drybeck and Hoff...
Than we spent upon your wife's new coif:
Can't she just piss off?"

But Tony scoffed:

"CHERIE'S HAIR
IS ALL I CARE
ABOUT RIGHT NOW
- ASSIGN
ANOTHER BILLION
TO IT, BROWN!

Or else I
won't
step
down..."

[And now, one octave higher]

CHERIE'S HAIR!
IT'S ALWAYS THERE,
AND ALWAYS BLAND!
EVEN
WHEN IT'S DONE
FOR SEVEN GRAND...

It still is
out
of
hand.

[Interlude: This is the part with all the fancy trumpets and stuff....]

CHERIE'S HAIR
IS RIGHT UP THERE
WITH PRINCESS DI...

CHERIE'S HAIR
IS ALL WE CARE
ABOUT RIGHT NOW...

CHERIE'S HAIR
IT'S ALWAYS THERE
AND ALWAYS BLAND...

It cost seven grand.

Well, I must say I got off lightly on that one.

"Toss"? Rhyming with "us"?

And "coif"? With "Off"? Not to mention "Hoff" (For which I even enlisted a team of expert England town-finders, I might add...)

Indeed, your major rhyming problems seem to come to the fore when you slip into vulgar street vernacular. The solution is to become a clean lyricist, someone who you would be happy to take to visit your grandmother. Someone like Tim Rice perhaps. Because let's face it, fuck doesn't ryhme with anything either.


Except for buck.


And puck.


Oh, and suck.

Er, there's struck as well. And duck.


And muck.

Stuck.

And truck. Umm, maybe I didn't think this one through.

you're a cruel character assassin... fox kem andek (translated into clean Welch means:if you're going to do them sheep all, at least buy all them farmers a free round)

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