Saved From The Skip

Exklusive! Saved From The Skip has come into possession of shocking new photographic evidence of the full extent of the Canadian seal massacre.

As these photos plainly show, Canadian celebrities Bryan Adams and Celine Dion regularly indulge in what is fast becoming Canada's national pastime: i.e., clubbing cute, innocent little baby seals to death, skinning them, making necklaces out of their teeth and eye-balls, and then eating their livers in a gruesome Satanic ritual.

As a result of these and other grim revelations, Saved From The Skip is proud to announce that it, too, will be jumping on the cute'n'fluffy bandwagon alongside artists and oddballs like Morrissey, Bridgitte Bardot, Sir Paul McFartney and Sir Philip Wiggenraad (of Fisticuffs fame).

We therefore urge all Skip clients to call for an immediate ban on all Canadian exports (especially Bryan Adams and Celine Dion, who should have been banned years ago anyway), and to have Canada included in the Axis of Evil, on pain of United Nations sanctions, Amen.


How you, too, can help save a baby seal:

> Boycott Canadian products (All three of them)

> Stop singing the theme tune to Titanic in the shower

> Stop singing Bryan Adams' The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You. (Note: if you find this too much of a sacrifice, consider changing the lyrics to: The Only Thing That Looks Good On Bryan Adams is a High Voltage Cable Attached With Crocodile Clips to His (censored)

> If you pass by a club and hear them playing Summer of 69, kindly follow Morrissey's advice and "Hang the Deejay."

> And finally, Pamela Anderson has now joined the campaign to stop seal hunting. As part of her crusade, all proceeds from illegal sales of her home-made porn video will be donated to the Save The Seal campaign. So what are you waiting for? Order your copy now!