Skip Skoop: Unborn child given ASBO
A six-month-old foetus has been given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order for kicking its mother inside the womb, The Skip has learnt.
It seems that the victim of the crime, a 28-year-old mother of two, received a direct and premeditated kick to her uterus lining, precipitating a bout of morning sickness and causing untold psychological damage.
The ASBO was given by the Magistrates Court, after rejecting the prosecution's bid for a charge of assault and battery.
The order prevents the foetus - who cannot be named because it hasn't been named - from any further violent behaviour for the remainder of its gestation period. After birth, the child will be kept under observation, and will be deemed in violation of its order for any of the following offences:
> Pressing too hard with its gums during breast-feeding
> Pulling hair
> Deliberately regurgitating solid food
> Indiscriminately throwing toys out of its play-pen.
"Catch 'em young, that's what I always say," said a spokesman for Scotland Yard when contacted for comment by The Skip.
In fact, the unborn offender is to date the youngest to have received an ASBO, followed by a seven-month-old baby girl who was reprimanded for causing wilful and wanton damage to her diapers, and a 13-month old toddler whose first audible words were "F*** off and die."
And now, the weather...
It seems that the victim of the crime, a 28-year-old mother of two, received a direct and premeditated kick to her uterus lining, precipitating a bout of morning sickness and causing untold psychological damage.
The ASBO was given by the Magistrates Court, after rejecting the prosecution's bid for a charge of assault and battery.
The order prevents the foetus - who cannot be named because it hasn't been named - from any further violent behaviour for the remainder of its gestation period. After birth, the child will be kept under observation, and will be deemed in violation of its order for any of the following offences:
> Pressing too hard with its gums during breast-feeding
> Pulling hair
> Deliberately regurgitating solid food
> Indiscriminately throwing toys out of its play-pen.
"Catch 'em young, that's what I always say," said a spokesman for Scotland Yard when contacted for comment by The Skip.
In fact, the unborn offender is to date the youngest to have received an ASBO, followed by a seven-month-old baby girl who was reprimanded for causing wilful and wanton damage to her diapers, and a 13-month old toddler whose first audible words were "F*** off and die."
And now, the weather...
Ha ha. Good One. Maybe you should consider writing a surreal television series or something. Pity Malta doesn't have the balls for it...
Posted by
Peklectrick |
3:53 PM
excellent! prosit! that's definitely a mother-child relationship thats off to a bumpy start!
Posted by
C.S.Lawrence |
3:01 PM